Have no regrets in the end …

This article that I came across is a great second post after my “misplaced priorities” post !! What do you truly value in life ? And in the “busy-ness” of every day you forget what’s important. Also many of us live lives dictated by others – there are truly very few, who are free, and lead their life as they wish to. Sometimes these people get labeled as selfish, but selflessness is not as great a virtue. You first need to care and love for yourself and be happy before doing something for the other – will you go to a Psychiatrist who is in the asylum ? Or would you like to be trained in yoga by someone who is unable to hold the yoga postures ? Then why do we pre-suppose that we can “love” others when we don’t love ourselves ? That we can make others happy while we are burning up inside ? Yes there are stories, real stories of comedians who had a terrible life – what a sad waste of talent !! The only person who needs to get fixed and is fixable is “I” – and “we” tries to impose on the “I” … Read the article and hopefully reflect on what you truly want to do and just do it. This is also what the late Stephen Covey speaks of as the second habit to cultivate “Begin with the end in mind”. So begin with the end in mind, so these regrets aren’t yours.


Nurse reveals top 5 regrets on the deathbed

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source: Received Email

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4 thoughts on “Have no regrets in the end …”

  1. True, Bindu. Last few months have been hard for Amita and I ; and, we’ve finally taken a decision. Your post puts a stamp and validates our heart’s following 🙂 Thanks again !

  2. Really nice, Bindu – and impactful since it clearly hits a nerve. I make resolutions all the time to do more, meet more, stress less but it always kind of falls by the wayside. This is a reminder to focus on what’s important

  3. Bindu….this is such an amazing post. Almost every word written touched my heart beat. Thanks for sharing !!


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