By this time on Jan 23rd, you were chilling in a cold unknown locker in Zydus, a hospital near Apex… Navrang had brought Amma, Kousalya and me back to Karnavati club and was waiting with us. There was nothing I could do ! You were gone from the physical plane and my heart was ice-cold. This wasn’t the deal.
Am sitting at our table as I am writing this blog and you are looking at me from a photograph… two pics are from that photo shoot way back in 2004 and the third one is ours from Shilaroo. Amma is listening to her favourite Lalitha Sahasranamam and somehow I just wish you would poke your head into our room and ask if I wanted tea. Why can’t this be a bad dream that I wake up from and there you are !
I watched this 1999 movie “The Deep End of the Ocean” today. The story is about a young 3 year old boy who is lost during his mother’s school reunion. He is accidentally found as his parents move to Chicago and two houses away from his adoptive father house. The reunion is not as smooth as his “real” parents assume it would be because his adoptive parents had been very loving and he doesn’t remember his “real” parents.
Finally he remembers an incident with his elder brother and decides to come back to his “real” parents.
It set me thinking about all our memories … what do I pick for today? The car tyres needed air to be filled and I used our TUSA air inflator yesterday. Product Review – TUSA Tyre Inflator.
I missed how you would test if the tyres are truly inflated by pressing down on them individually and ofcourse, you would screw on the air valve caps tightly. I did tighten them after checking the car’s TPMS. All the tyres are inflated to the right pressure. Have filled fuel only once after the car reached home and Ashwin came along with me. Before that Manish had come along with me in Ahmedabad on the 25th and yes both of them got down and checked the meter. I have almost forgotten filling fuel without you being around to check the meter…. I have done it alone for 16 years when you and I were working in different offices, but the last ten years has wiped that memory clean.
Can’t you come back ? Like that little boy who was lost and found again ? Oh, are you saying you are still right here with me ? Yes, I know that, but it’s still not the same.
I still see you on that hospital bed, the moment when I was told you were gone. Time stood still, as it does to this day and as it will till we are together again.
The following picture is from Dhanush’s collection … our family’s trip to McLedoganj in 2006. The camera bag that you are carrying was brought to India by Don Levy for the Canon SLR camera. This was before Amazon India so we had to get some of this stuff from the US.
It breaks my heart to read ‘Can this not be a bad dream’
for several years after Amma passed, I kept hearing her voice, almost as if she was standing right beside me and talking to me, reacting to situations, giving me instructions. After Appa passed away, it’s almost as she left me forever. I can’t hear her anymore. She doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t even know how you are getting through each day. I really hope you draw some comfort in hearing Krishnan uncle’s voice talking to you through the day. Hugs to you.