Saffron Shower, Search for a Safe Resort and an insecure ex-Weepy!

Today while taking bath, the water in the shower was strangely saffron. I wonder why? Is it because our Independence Day is just around the corner or is it because its the first colour on our glorious flag or is it because our good old corrupt mastermind Chidu’s son is in the grip of saffron terror ? Remember the man who coined this term – saffron terror? Well, he now is known as his son’s father because his son has surpassed the dad spectacularly! Bravo Kart-hee, your dad is henceforth renamed as Chidu-Kart-Chee. Your dad was such a visionary, he knew that if he left an inch free, these saffron terrorists will take it and see they have done just that. The saffron villain NaMo that your dad tried hard to keep out of his homestead Delhi has now thrown your dad out of his home and last I heard there is a look out notice issued to you – oh dear, how nasty. Thank God for the Tamil brothers who helped your dad win “that” Sivaganga election in 2009 came to your rescue, with a stay order on the lookout notice. Buddy, you better look OUT, this “law of the land” character that your dad had safely put behind bars, has been released by this saffron villain NaMo and its a nasty character for sure. The “law of the land” tends to catch up with petty mistakes and all that your pretty dad did were petty mistakes, while you surpassed him in the width and depth of your physical being and “Moh Maya” being. Ok ok let bygones be bygones and I won’t rake up dad’s “Moh” and the “putra-maya” clouding his eyes.

Am wondering if I got a saffron shower to celebrate our 13th Vice President Venkaiah Naidu taking oath today …. Congratulations to him. Saffron man in the Presidential palace, Saffron man in the Vice-President’s seat and of course Saffron man as the Prime Minister – all forcing us to acknowledge the saffron in our flag. We have tried so hard to follow the HAND of our family-elders who told us “saffron is to be forgotten” – just remember the green and use products that help you become whiter than the white in the middle, thats how you can be successful and rule over this country. But alas, we Mango people got swayed and voted for saffron because it reminded us of the sacrifices made by our freedom fighters and this villain NaMo kindled these old thoughts of Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, the celebrated second President of Independent India  – (Source link – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_India)

Hey dont get misty eyed… our dear Kejruddin of the “Evil Voting Machine” tampering fame has a question for the nation – are we sure that the special pen that was used by the MPs to vote for the Vice Presidential candidate was not tampered with ? and he is hopeful that the pen didn’t automatically vote for Naidu Ji. He also is happy for Naidu Ji but he wants to be sure because his mom had fielded a distant relative as their family CONcern CONgress’ candidate. She was hoping that the family name will mean something, but the mean MPs ditched her and went with saffron. Probably the distant cousin’s preference for a certain green man was not appreciated. Stranger things happen when planet Saturn finds your horoscope in his viewfinder :):).

I was riveted to the telly to find the answer to this question – Resort, resort which is the safest of them all? It was so nice of Kejruddin’s mommy to send all her family CONcern’s MLAs in Gujarat to a super cool resort in Bengaluru. The food was delicious and moneybags-Shivakumar, their colleague even got them Gujju food when they missed it. They spent all their time praying for their brothers and sisters who were dying and suffering in the Gujarat floods and were really sad that they could not fly in a helicopter and bless them from the sky during these tough times. Then Sonia Ji instructed them to be shifted “unitedly” to a resort in Gujarat where the flood waters couldn’t reach, nor the saffron colour could ! The Rajya Sabha elections happened in a fair and transparent manner with some brown skinned CONgress employees transparently showing their unfair preference to the saffron brigade. Mommy was really upset, because it was a question of getting her “amen-able ah-med-able”assistant elected to the Rajya Sabha and her heirline-receding heir was missing in action because he didn’t like uncle Ahmed. So she marshalled old warriors who had eaten off the plates in her late mom-in-law’s house and gave them the famous clarion call “do or die”. They did, and didn’t die and uncle Ahmed scraped through without getting a heart attack inspite of all the saffron terror he was exposed to. Now that the floods have abated a little and its safe to be in Gujarat, all the CONcern’s employees are back home with a slightly better pension package. The resorts are also happy as their peak season starts and they can clean up and get ready. Thus ended the resort drama with the clear winner being moneybags’ resort in Bengaluru and Superstar Siddu is the winner, yet again. Drum Roll …

Poor heirline-receding heir of the CONcern has viral fever… how could a Mango virus affect the heir? Did he get it when he slipped from the SPG cover and escaped into the unknown foreign lands for 72 days over the last two years ? Can a virus lay dormant for that long? or did he pick it up from his elder bro Kejruddin? I am very CONcerned. Looks like he and Mommy are having a spat. My suggestion – QUIT India. Turn over the family CONcern to some lackey and QUIT India. Thats what the father of the nation suggested 75 years back and only some people got it. The challenges heirs face .. we Mango people can’t even begin to understand.

Exactly why, we cannot understand a brat-heir who chased a young lady in the dead of the night and daddy dearest even managed to “bail” out his brat-heir. Suddenly a non-bailable offence became bailable and when villain NaMo probably got someone a few levels below him to rap on daddy’s knuckles, the brat-heir appeared and got treated like a royal at the police station. Mango people – don’t get him wrong, he has grown up that way. Royals are meant to hunt, to stalk prey and display trophies. No one told them that “autocracy” is gone because till recently the family CONcern ruled over India and they thought autocracy was alive. This villain NaMo is making things difficult for the royals but some in his own “party” don’t get it still. Now we wait to see if “law of the land” is indeed free and unfettered – proof of the pudding lies in eating it. Fetters around brat-heir and his brattier-cousin will be the proof for Mango people like us. Women safety? Another day.

While videos went missing in the brat-heir story, in a televised event that was video recorded, the outgoing Weepy Hamid Ansari suddenly started feeling insecure. Oh dear. While you were whining and weeping about how insecure you feel Mr. Ansari inspite of all your security detail, your brother-by-religion Haji Mehbooba was on Times Now, spilling the beans on how he hurled bombs at the kar sevaks during the Babri Masjid demolition… and how a brother-not-by-religion Mulayam ji let him off the hook. Did you watch that Mr. Ansari? I wonder if you feel insecure in India because brother-by-religion Haji Mehbooba is not well trained in the art of throwing bombs? That can be fixed by our neighbour who has training camps for exactly these kind of amateurs. Mr. Ansari, I am a small Mango person – with small Mango people as friends. During our travels my husband and I met a certain Mango Indian called Latif last July and we became friends. He is in Kerala and we live in your neighbourhood, Gurgaon. Just as I am writing this blog, a courier was received at home. It contains my favourite banana chips and pure coconut oil. It was sent by our friend Latif, securely, and it reached us safely. Am sure many other Mango Indians handled the package and saw our names that spell different religions, but they didn’t spill a single drop of oil nor eat a single chip. Latif comes from a poor background just like us and he has made it good through sheer hard work and integrity. Not once did he feel insecure nor does he feel insecure today amongst fellow Indians. He obviously is your brother-by-religion but he is my brother-by-nation and thats why he will never be insecure. Weep and whine all you want, but don’t stoop, stab and divide us Mango people just to settle scores with a certain saffron man. This is our land and every Indian feels secure as long as their heart is not circumcised and veiled. Hope you can see that through your tears.

That’s it folks, enjoy the stories. Sorry for a sad ending with a weepy Mr. Ansari – but we Mango Indians like weepy movies, so cry on. Happy weekend.