Yesterday Geetu called while we were on our morning walk. She was sure that I would be very upset about the fact that she is not coming over for the mini KVHV reunion that we have planned on the 15th. She was a little surprised when I said, I wasn’t upset because for the past couple of years, I have been working really hard on lowering my expectations !!
You can call it lowering expectations or just going with the flow.
I have always been very emotionally invested in my relationships. Friendships mean the world to me, and they still do. All that am telling myself is, that each of my friends has a different context and if they are not able to meet for whatever reason, it’s ok. It has been a difficult learning curve. This is not something that comes naturally to me. Am the kind who becomes upset if a friend comes to Delhi NCR and doesn’t call, and even more upset if they don’t meet :).
The KV Happy Valley gang is very dear to me. Everyone in that group is happy to chat for hours on the phone but when it comes to a reunion, it just doesn’t seem to work. Guess that’s how it is with some group of friends and there is nothing more to read between the lines. So be it. Am just grateful to be in touch with my childhood friends… it’s going to be 45 years this year. We all met in 1980 and some of us have been friends even longer.
Some friends meet regularly, some sporadically and some never. Some friends have changed for the better, some have gone off the reservation and some others are trying on new personalities. It’s all a part of growing up and changing contexts.
For instance, I missed going to Shillong in June 2023 when Enakshi, Ranjeet and Krishna managed to have a mini reunion. Had booked the flight tickets and the Airbnb, but we backed out at the last minute because of the rains. Was miserable for a few days and then I dusted myself off and got on with life.
In a very different way, my batchmate and dear friend Feroze said the same thing way back in 2017. I was very invested at that time in ensuring that most of our batchmates came together for the annual reunion. When I called Feroze for the tenth time (probably 15th), he just said, “don’t worry too much, anyone who feels they get something out of meeting with other batchmates will come. Others won’t.” It struck home and I just stopped following up and nagging people to attend reunions.
The reunions still happen and the attendance is lesser but those who feel they are learning something or they just like to meet with the other batchmates just keep coming every year. The others who don’t show up are also friends still and just as close. Sometimes, other priorities crop up and that’s that.
Well, my Master Osho has said it succinctly as always … do read No Expectations, No Frustrations. Sharing a couple of excerpts (screenshots) from this article.
Am also attaching a pdf of the article from Osho World, the link to the article is given above.
It’s difficult to change yourself, but what’s life without change. So here’s to a happier you …. lower the expectations, lesser the frustrations.
Thoughts ?
Awwww Bindu….I would’ve preferred it if you had raved and ranted and got upset with me…..plz don’t say you have lowered your expectations….I feel terrible
Geetu – not lowered expectations from you. Just a better understanding of a friend’s context. Am trying to grow up 🤗. Please don’t feel terrible. This lowering expectations is just my way of dealing with disappointments. Nothing to do with you.
Your writing always inspires me, and Osho’s words, but I deal with expectations, which include fears. Fearful expectations are some of the most debilitating.
Thanks Katharine. Fearful expectations are also a reality especially as we grow older… we just have to try and keep them at bay. Fearful expectations may not lead to frustrations – if what we fear doesn’t happen, we might end up feeling a little upbeat. But the fearful expectations do make life miserable. I guess life is a perpetual school and graduation takes many lives 🙏
We may never “graduate” from.life in the cosmos. Too much to learn and to un-learn . . .