Its Not Aunty, Its Mausi, Bua, Athai, Chithi, Perima

The British who colonised and looted Bharat for nearly 200 years, did more damage culturally than financially. They messed up our Gurukul system of education, thereby cutting generations away from their roots. Forcing English as the medium of instruction in schools, created a brown “sahib”, who was subservient to the white skin and behaved deferentially towards “white” skinned people. Talk of racism and how deeply its ingrained :(.

The other thing that has been corrupted fully is the way we address our relatives – its aunty or uncle for everyone. If you are meeting your father’s friend, its uncle and if you are meeting your father’s younger brother, its uncle….. if you are meeting your father’s sister’s husband, its uncle !!!

Now speak like a Bharatiya – your father’s friend, would be “Mama” in TamilNadu and many southern states, Tau Ji in Hindi speaking families, Kaka in Maharashtra, Gujarat and Bengal. Your father’s younger brother is Chitappa in Tamil, Chacha in Hindi speaking families. As soon as someone says Chacha, I know its his father’s younger brother and Chachi, is father’s younger brother’s wife.

When PM Modi was speaking recently in the Lok Sabha on “Vande Mataram”, he referred to Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyay as Bankim “Da”… for elder brother Bengalis says “dada” or “da” in short. TMC MP Mr. Sougata Roy, was upset and felt Bankim “Babu” was more appropriate. While PM Modi apologised and changed it to Bankim Babu, I wish he had educated Mr. Sougata Roy on how the Colonial Brits used “Babu” as a derogatory term.

During the British occupation of Bharat, Babu meant a low level corrupt “clerk” 🤬. Even to this day, we call the slow moving officials in the Govt as “Babus” or the IAS officers as “Babudom”. BabuJi is a whole another game – that is respectful, that is how we address our grandfathers and sometimes our fathers as well.

Coming back to “Aunty”… every woman you meet who is in your mother’s age group, is called “Aunty”. It has also become a derogatory term, if you want to use it that way – a young girl is called “aunty” if she is dressed in a saree for instance, or does not dress fashionably. Many times when I would stand up to address my team/colleagues/new joinees at work, I would say “don’t assume am Aunty type, looking at my saree”…. well, so much for my colonised mind. Even I thought I was “dowdy” and “Behenji” type when I wore the saree. Am just glad, it didnt stop me from wearing a saree every single day. Am just surprised to realise how deep my own conditioning has been.

My mother’s elder sister is “Periyamma/Perima”, “Pedhamma”, “Ammamma”, “Badi Mausi” …. my mother’s younger sister is “Chithi”, “Pinni”, “Mausi”, “Chinnamma”. My father’s sister is “Athai”, “Bua” or “Pishi”…. My father’s elder brother is “Tau”, “Periyappa/Peripa”, “Mota Bhai” …

My paternal grandparents are “dada” and “dadi”, while my maternal grandparents are “nana” and “nani”. My “nephew” could be “bhanja” or “bhatija” and my sister-in-law could be “Jethani”, “Manni”, “Anni” or “Saali”… mother-in-law could be “Saas” or “Saasu Ma” or “Athai” or “Amma”

When someone calls me aunty, the connection I feel is less stronger than when am called “Mausi” (like Vishakha, my friend’s daughter does), “athai” or “bua” or “chithi”. I insist upon my cousin’s children addressing me by the relation, not as “aunty”. Likewise, when Gaurav and Richa call me “didi” I feel a closeness that I don’t feel when someone calls me “Bindu Ji”.

Mama is also a derogatory term unfortunately ! It’s the colloquial word for a “pimp”…. and in TamilNadu, “Mami” and “Mama” have nearly become swear words, just because the Dravidian dumeels have taken Brahmin bashing to a whole another level :(.

There are interesting differences by region – in Konkani, a father is addressed as “Anna” which means elder brother in Tamil. And elder sister in Bengali is “didi-bhai” … “bhai” ofcourse in Mumbai means the mafia 🤦🏽‍♀️, maybe they knew Jehadidi Mamata would one day rule over West Bengal as a “bhai”. Nana is maternal grandfather in Hindi, but Nana or Nanagaru is father in Telugu. Behen is sister in Hindi, but every woman is addressed as “ben” in Gujarat – Kokila-ben, Bindu-ben, Rachna-ben etc. Same goes for brother – bhai is added to the name of all men. NarendraBhai for instance is a respectful way of addressing Modiji.

“Aunty” and “Uncle” are too generic. We need to revert back to our way of addressing people. It’s reclaiming a part of our forgotten culture. When you call someone “Mama Ji”, you feel a lot more connected even if the person is not your mother’s brother by birth. Or when you call your mother’s friend as “Mausi”, it brings a very different connect to the relationship.

Relationship words for thought !!

Relationships in Tamil –