If there is one person who can speak on love and marriage, its Osho. He was love personified, never married. Misunderstood as a “sex” guru, but then all Mystics and Masters have been misunderstood. 🙂
This is an excerpt from the book titled “The Book of Woman”.
“…. And marriage itself never destroys anything. Marriage simply brings out whatsoever is hidden in you – it brings it out. If love is hidden behind you, inside you, marriage brings it out. If love was just a pretension, just a bait, then sooner or later it has to disappear. And then your reality, your ugly personality comes up. Marriage simply is an opportunity, so whatsoever you had to bring out will come out.
I am not saying that love is destroyed by marriage. Love is destroyed by people who don’t know how to love. Love is destroyed because in the first place love is not. You have been living in a dream. Reality destroys that dream. Otherwise, love is something eternal, part of eternity. If you grow, if you know the art, and you accept the realities of love-life, it goes on growing every day. Marriage becomes a tremendous opportunity to grow into love.
Nothing can destroy love. If it is there, it goes on growing. But my feeling is, it is not there in the first place. You misunderstood yourself; something else was there. Maybe sex was there, sex appeal was there.”
“….. So never misunderstand love for something else. If love is really love … what do I mean when I say ‘really love’? I mean that just being in the presence of the other, you feel suddenly happy, just being together, you feel ecstatic, just the very presence of the other fulfils something deep in your heart …. something starts singing in your heart, you fall into harmony. Just the very presence of the other helps you to be together. You become more individual, more centred, more grounded. Then it is love.
Love is not a passion, love is not an emotion. Love is a very deep understanding that somebody somehow completes you. Somebody makes you a full circle. The presence of the other enhances your presence. Love gives freedom to be yourself; it is not possessiveness.”
“…Love is eternity. If it is there, it goes on growing and growing. Love knows the beginning but does not know the end.”
Love and Marriage
Read the above excerpt several times before deciding to marry and if you are already married, then you know what to fix ! The pandemic forced several men and women to re-evaluate their marriage. They had fallen in love and got married. Then life took over. The pressure to earn more, career aspirations, children’s education and their imaginary standing in the society etc etc. Suddenly when they had to live together 24/7, it was like getting re-introduced to a stranger.
Sad but true. Domestic violence and verbal/mental abuse increased during the pandemic. Like Osho says, nothing and no one to blame except yourself. Whatever is inside you, comes out :(.
Reflect and re-evaluate your marriage. Love and marriage can and do co-exist, but it needs love to be there. Thats the secret ingredient. If you don’t have love, then marriage doesn’t work.