The Bully in us

“Make no mistake” as one of my ex-bosses would say, there is a bully hidden inside each of us. He or She is just waiting for the right candidate to bully. Someone weaker, someone who is unable to protest, someone who is dependent on you, someone who thinks they have no option but listen, someone whose social standing is way below yours, someone you don’t like but have to interact with, someone who you think is less intelligent than you and sometimes it’s someone you love and believe that relationship cannot be broken…

But remember, however compassionate you are, however mild mannered there is a bully lurking right behind that facade waiting to jump out and attack. The attack varies and many times is disguised. Sometimes its the choice of words, sometimes the tone, sometimes the look on the face, sometimes it’s the raised hand and sometimes its just silence. The school bully is easy to deal with, because it is overt, the smiling loving older hidden bully is never easy to deal with… Because it is covert and waiting for the right soil to sprout !

The bullying when you are older is so subtle…. A different tone for the driver and a different tone for the lover, a different choice of words for the rickshaw puller and for the 5-star hotel receptionist, refusing to answer your mom, but fawning over your boss !!! Bullying in marriages is the worst and both the husband and wife do it – physical bullying can be dealt with rules, but what about the subtle mental bullying ? You can’t speak to a man/woman because I will throw a fit … You can’t have a girl/boy friend since you are married to me… Who are you speaking to everyday ??? … You can wear only these types of clothes… I will sleep around, but you can’t … My parents can be here, not yours… Familiar ?

I read somewhere that you should always watch a man’s behaviour with a server (or a beggar) in a restaurant to know how he will treat you – it is the right gauge and can be applied to a man or a woman. If the person’s behaviour is different with the server or the person who is lower than him/her in the social strata – chances are there is a bully lurking behind that gentle smile.

This is just self-awareness – to watch out for your bully and when your bully comes out, kill it. Being aware of the bully in you helps to keep it at bay 🙂

For many of us.. Moms bring out the bully, because that relationship we presume is unbreakable, but it does break your mom’s heart !

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