Control Dramas !

I am re-reading James Redfield’s “Celestine Prophecy” just to see if I find newer insights. I have read four books of his – The Celestine Prophecy, The Tenth Insight, The Secret of Shambala and The Twelfth Insight. I like the entire series. I find a lot of ideas that are very practical and applicable to everyday life. One such concept is the “control dramas” mentioned in the Celestine Prophecy.

According to the book, each of us has a personal “control drama” through which we interact with other people and in the process try and gain energy. The author’s view is every one of us is on the look out for energy, because that makes us feel happier and more powerful and these control dramas help us gain power.

The four control dramas that James Redfield talks about are explained below. I took the excerpt from this article – Learning about Control Dramas.

1.“The Intimidator” The Intimidator is an individual who steals energy by force. In order to get an energy boost, the Intimidator may be very loud, may yell, or may use violence. Ultimately, the Intimidator gets his or her energy by forcing people to pay attention to him or her.

This tactic draws more energy to the intimidator because when we are treated violently or yelled at, we cannot help but focus on the intimidator. All of this fearful focus passes our energy over to the Intimidator. This is the most aggressive of the control dramas.

Naturally, after a hostile interaction with an Intimidator, you will likely walk away feeling defeated and deflated. The Intimidator, however, feels empowered, boosted by the energy he or she has stolen from you.

2. “The Interrogator”

The Interrogator, like the Intimidator, also has an aggressive approach to stealing energy. However, the Interrogator does not rely on overt violence or intimidation, but rather uses excessive questioning and judgment in conversations.

When you are around an Interrogator, you will often feel highly criticized. The Interrogator will question your decisions, your motives, and your effectiveness. This strategy, in turn, keeps you sucked into the interaction, paying attention to the Interrogator.

In these interactions, you will feel the need to constantly explain yourself, and you will feel the need to justify your choices and actions. This extra attention sends your energy over to the Interrogator.

After spending prolonged time with an Interrogator, you will likely feel very drained, and walk away from the conversation feeling beaten down, even though the Interrogator did not use violence against you.

3. “The Aloofs”

Aloof people do not use a hostile or aggressive approach in their ability to siphon energy from others. Instead, Aloofs rely on being vague and distant to capture attention and energy.

An Aloof is more likely to keep information from people. This, in turn, causes other people to be interested in them and approach them to “pry” information from them. It is a highly passive way of getting attention from other people.

“Playing hard to get” is the game of the Aloof. An Aloof will frequently leave you feeling that he or she is playing games with you, and must be chased.

4. “The Poor Me”

The Poor Me, like the Aloof, relies on a passive approach to gaining energy from others, but in a different way.

Poor Mes capture our attention by making us feel guilty and responsible for them. They often complain about their problems and issues in life, but not for the sake of getting solutions. Rather, the Poor Me complains for the sole purpose of gaining our attention.

When dealing with a Poor Me, we often feel like we have to “take care of” the Poor Me or we must help them in some way. We may feel we have to listen to his or her sob story over and over again, and that his or her problem is our fault somehow. This is how the Poor Me steals energy from others.

Its very easy to understand these control dramas and its important for all of us to look inside and identify which of these control dramas are we playing out !! Especially in close relationships like a spouse, sibling and parents these control dramas have a negative effect. Particularly as parents we need to be watchful of our own control drama so that the child doesn’t develop a counter control drama to stay safe. For instance if the father is an intimidator, the child might become aloof to avoid being hurt.

At work again, these archetypes get played out over and over again, by managers and leaders … understanding them helps you find a way to work around them or even in some cases to help the manager/leader to get rid of it.

I love the “poor me” characterisation … it fits a lot of people who use it very effectively to make the other person feel guilty while getting away with what they want.

I am trying to understand my own control drama and how it developed within me, plus a good way to get rid of it so that I can relate better. Fascinating stuff and worth pondering over.

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