Daily Reflections

Where there is love ….


On Sunday we watched this movie “The Vow” starring Channing Tatum and Rachel Adams. The story is about a couple who are madly in love, get married and within a few weeks are involved in a serious auto accident that leaves the wife in a coma. When the wife recovers from her coma, she doesn’t remember being married !!! The story then goes on to show how the husband tries to still make it work, and finally divorces her when her parents drive them apart and the memories don’t come back. But, life has other plans and finally the wife comes around and almost retraces her steps back to her husband and they get married again.

While it was a cute love story, what made it very special was the fact that it was based on a real life couple, Krickitt and Kim Carpenter. Krickitt loses her memory of her husband Kim when she wakes up from a coma after being in a near fatal accident just 10 weeks after their wedding. Kim doesn’t give up and they remarry just so Krickitt can have a memory of it. They have been married now for 24 years and have two children.

What a beautiful inspiring love story.

The reason I write about this movie and Kim and Krickitt’s love story is because on Sunday before watching this movie, I read a question on Quora from a girl who has Asthma and her fiancee refused to marry her because of that. Her question was if she can ever get married with Asthma. That question set me thinking about how young men and women of today decide about marriage and whether they have the ability to nurture longterm relationships. A medical condition can develop at any time, and Asthma is not contagious, and there are remedies available to keep it under control. Why would you break off from a person just because of that ? Maybe there was something else at play here.

We were watching the “Neeya Naana” program on Vijay TV a couple of months back. This is a discussion platform which picks up current social issues and invites regular people to discuss them. The topic that day was about the expectations that city girls have from their future spouse. I was stunned to watch girl after girl speak about physical attributes, bank balances, cars/bikes and style, but no one spoke a word about the person’s character or the need for their shared chemistry to work. I wanted to ask, that a person may be super rich but a cad, are you fine with that? or worse still, the super rich guy you marry may gamble away every last penny and expect you to bail him out … is that ok? I found the girl’s parent(s) also supporting their thought process ! I was genuinely appalled.

Where is love in all this? In the Indian context, I can understand if a girl feels that the man she marries should be well educated, should have certain behaviour traits in common with her and his family is not too overbearing … very normal expectations. But today the expectation is that the girl will not adjust to her in-laws, they must not stay with their son, but her parents will stay with them so that the two of them can work. She will support her parents but he mustn’t support his …. bizarre demands.

Krishnan told me about his family, his work, his salary etc when we met and fell in love in 1990 … so that I could go back and tell my family about him. I went and told Amma and Appa that I have met this man whom I want to marry and that he will come over and meet them. When mom asked me about what he does and how many siblings does he have etc I told her that I didn’t remember anything… even though he had told me everything because I was marrying him, not his job. We have gone through a roller coaster ride with all kinds of challenges thrown at us, but all that has mattered to us is our love for each other. Not everyone may find their soulmate across the table, but focus on finding the person you can love for the rest of your life and nothing else matters.

I hope many youngsters watch this movie “The Vow”. It will make them think a bit and teach them about how to keep a marriage going and what it really means to be in a long term relationship. Tomorrow is Valentine’s day and everyone will be sugar sweet to their current sweethearts – but here’s the deal…. Your true Valentine is the one with whom every day is a Valentine’s day. Your true Valentine is the one who loves you through the fun times and the difficult times. It is the one who cannot see how your physical being has changed because he/she is deeply connected to your formless soul. Find that Valentine and the bank balances and the cars wouldn’t matter.

Love makes the world go around… Happy Valentine’s Day. Love people, not things.

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Categories: Daily Reflections

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4 replies »

  1. Hi Bindu ,
    Lovely article. Just wanted to share on an incident recently. I have a cousin’s son who is an engineer and an IIMA grad who was to get married. All the alliances which came in , the girl and her mother would quiz my cousin on will your son stay separately ( Thani Kutathanam ) , why has he not bought his own house, does he support his parents financially , if he goes to the US will he wish to return ( he needs to stay back ) .

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