I LOVE my car, lipstick, home, bag….. seriously??

A school friend of mine recounted a conversation that she was privy to between a niece of hers and her friend about the kind of person her niece wanted to marry. The conversation apparently went something like this “he should have a four bedroom house in his name, an Audi or a Merc, his parents must not stay with us, there must be a cook, a full time servant, and he must earn more than me.” My friend was hoping she would say something about his character, education, family background etc but was disappointed. Now, we can dismiss this conversation as fantasies of a young girl, but the girl in question is working and 26 years old…. not so young really.

Its also not about this or that generation – we all had our fantasies, but they included love, good looks and someone who cared deeply about us ! I dreamt of marrying a person who loved to travel, had a mop of curly hair, knew how to ride a “Kawasaki” motorcycle because I loved that bike and didn’t know how to ride it and someone who loved books. The only quirky wish I had was that he should not have any sisters because at that time (21 year old me), I was fed on a constant diet of how sisters-in-law were the villain of every marriage. I am laughing even as I write this because I was also told how mother-in-law’s were terrible too but somehow I never wished for an orphan. I certainly had this dream of my marriage being fixed with someone who asked for a dowry and that I had the opportunity to thrash the living daylights out of him or a really nasty mom-in-law that I could “fix”. Hahahahahaha. Well I married a man who didn’t have sisters and I fell in love with my mom-in-law ! More importantly, when I met Krishnan, I forgot about all my conditions, because he was and is such an awesome person, nothing else mattered.

Credit to my dad, because when he heard that Krishnan was changing jobs when we were getting married, he merely commented that “being in a job is not as important as having the ability to work hard, face any adversity and having the capability to find another job and Krishnan has all those qualities”. Sure enough, dad was proven right!!

In the morning today, I checked Quora and found this question being asked by someone –

Yeah, I was pissed off and really upset that people focus so much on the material stuff that can be acquired and forget about relationships and love. I wrote an answer to this question and here it is –

I did wash my hands after writing this note because I felt sick. I am not some traditionalist who believes in “marriages are forever” … but relationships matter. Get a divorce if the marriage isn’t working, drag the bastard to a court if he is abusive, grind his nose into a shit-pail if he cheats on you – I get all that, but leaving a marriage because one is prettier and earns more or someone else has a better house or a nicer car is just stupid and sick.

Looks don’t last forever, money doesn’t last forever – its much needed no doubt, but it doesn’t stay in one place forever, houses will be auctioned off when bankruptcy looms large …. but a good person remains a good person forever, a capable person will find ways to thrive and a great relationship will help weather every storm. I am not angry at this lady who has asked this question, am feeling upset about what our society has (d)evolved into :(. Nearly every soap opera or film anywhere in the world focuses on violence, looks and money and we are seeing adults asking these type of questions because of the steady diet of materialistic crap that they were exposed to as children.

And parents – please watch out, your actions speak louder than words and your child will focus on what you focus on … if you place money above relationships, chances are your child will ape that, if you focus on your career at the cost of your family, again your child will ape that. Sorry to get everything back to parents, because you chose to give birth to the next generation and that is a huge responsibility.

All adults – please review your own behaviour because some child somewhere is watching you and learning. Teach the right stuff !!


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