The thought for the day I had and posted was as follows …
The reason for it is because today is 27 years since Krishnan and I met across a table during a training program in Chennai … I have spoken about how it was love at first sight and every sight after that 🙂 and that we decided in three days to get married.
Many people comment that we are plain lucky to have met and married – yes, am glad that luck played its part in bringing us together but this blog is about how to stay in love. Many people fall in love, but fewer stay in love. So a bit of preaching today as part of our celebration :).
When we decided to get married, we spoke for hours about each other’s upbringing, families, what we wanted to do in life, our past affairs, our friends, our values and our dreams. Krishnan said to me that “we must each help the other become a better person because we marry” and that is what we have tried to do. We have both changed, we have gotten wiser in some areas and foolish in many areas, we lost some friends, we made some amazing friends, we lost money and made some money …. but the one rule that we never let go of, was to be in love with the new person we were each becoming. Often when people fall in love, they have the expectation that they wouldn’t change – but people do change, its how human beings are designed! So the first rule thats worked for us is – expect the other person to change and fall in love with the changed person 🙂
We set clear expectations at the beginning, and right through this journey we review our expectations on our anniversary every year. We keep checking to see if our goal posts have shifted, if we have new dreams and what we need to do differently. Some folks have asked me if we ever fight – sure enough, we have arguments and we are both forceful personalities, but I am not always winning or always losing. I win some, I lose some and on some we just go along with different views…. but we never stop talking to each other. The second rule thats worked for us is – constant review of expectations from each other and keeping the communication going. Silent wars are detrimental to any relationship. If your partner doesn’t understand, explain it till he or she gets it.
The third rule that we have followed is putting our relationship first. There are no hidden agendas, no hidden thoughts, no hidden emotions, we are completely transparent with each other. Our relationship is our first priority, we are the first priority for each other. I was addressing a group of women at NGA HR on women’s day and there was one girl who didn’t want to get married. I said to her – keep stalling and dont get married, if you dont want to. Marriage is a full-time 24/7 commitment and you should not get married if you are not willing to invest in the relationship. Its better to stay single. Its not about infidelity and never looking at another man or woman as the case maybe, but its about making your relationship with this other individual, a priority. If you aren’t willing to do that, for whatever reason, just dont commit.
We followed our third rule today as we do every year and since my mom-in-law is unwell, we requested my brother-in-law to come and be with her and we went out for lunch and ice cream and a happy drive across the Marina beach. I always wear a new sari on the 14th and this time its a Chanderi, handwoven beauty that we bought at Dastkari Haat, Andheria More, Delhi. Krishnan was not in the mood to buy anything new and so he didn’t. Here’s our pic from the afternoon celebration –
Fall in love, and more importantly stay in love, keep your relationship fresh. Marry only if you are sure and able to commit otherwise dont agree and make a mess of your life and your spouse’s life.
There are many more things that one has to do, but thats for another blog. Thanks for your good wishes as I know everyone reading this post is wishing us well. If it got too preachy, well, I did set the expectation upfront :):).