Right from the moment we are born the comparison starts. He is exactly like his father, she is very much like her mom, while the elder one started to speak within a year, this one is yet to, and so on and so forth. Comparisons happen at all times and from so many angles! Never ceases to stop. Even in death. The other day we had gone to visit the home of a very dear friend who passed away in just a moment. This great human being had gone through tremendous challenges for almost ten to fifteen years and started seeing better days in the latter half of his life. Here also the comparison….how he had a peaceful death in comparison to certain others who had to go through pain before their exit from this world. From cradle to grave, comparison just does not stop.
The impact that this comparison poison has on us is unbelievable, limiting and restrictive so much so that most people never recover from this and suffer silently, even unknowingly right through their lives. What starts when you are a kid, gets very intense during school and college days, gathers further momentum at work, goes on throughout your career, gets in the family life almost daily, and finally stops only when you are no more.
My heart bleeds when I read about suicides amongst students who failed in their examinations, young employees who failed to deliver on their goals, grown ups who are unable to live up to their partners’ expectations, the list is never ending.
I lost my elder brother who chose to end his life at the prime age of 24 years, way back in the year 1984, inflicted with this comparison poison. Till this day we have not been reconciled to his tragic death and haven’t fully recovered.
My request to parents, teachers, bosses, partners and everyone, is to stop this comparison poison now, here and now. Just this moment. None of us are born to be like someone else. If it’s so we need not have been born. I may have role models and those who inspire me to reach my goals through their examples but I am not them. I am unique in my own way, every way. I may or may not find my life purpose, but I will find way to lead a life that gives me satisfaction and happiness. Sooner or later. May be not too. But that will be my way. Life is a journey and let me discover myself, my way!
My beloved Osho, when asked by a woman as to what is good for her, individuality or personality, answered brilliantly with an explanation of both the words, and urged human beings to go for individuality (meaning uniqueness) and never personality (wearing a mask).
This is spot on. Thank you .
Swapna
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