Today is my master Osho’s birthday and the day you chose to leave this life. Osho describes life and death as revolving doors and that’s probably the easiest and most beautiful description of death. The biggest fear for man is death and just imagine if that fear were to be rooted out, what each of us can achieve. I don’t think I fear death, but am sure I do. The sense of self preservation is so strongly ingrained that you do everything to hold onto life….
Appa, your greatest gift to me was never holding me back from trying anything and your choosing Osho’s birthday to leave was also a message…. A life well lived leads to a peaceful death. Osho keeps saying that death is the crescendo, if you whimpered through life, you can’t expect to roar as you die. There are 450+ people who just died in a couple of months due to rains and floods in Chennai. Every one of these deaths was untimely and unnecessary…. And many were so young that they hadn’t even “lived”. May their souls rest in peace and if there is an afterlife, may their next life be long and fruitful.
For the past few days we have been staying at Athai’s place and she is so much like you in many aspects !! The same grit, the same “never say die” attitude and the same cool way of accepting death. In fact today morning, we were discussing the changes to Athimber’s pension and he said that Athai will have enough if he were to die before him and she quickly came back to say he will have a lot more if she died before him. Athimber’s reply was poignant … He told her that he wouldn’t know how to live if she died before him and told Krishnan and I that she was his guide in life. 🙂
There is water everywhere and the water motor has gotten spoilt at home because it got submerged as well. Since you aren’t around to do your brand of “jugaad” we are buying a new motor… Ok the lights didn’t work in some rooms. I could almost hear you say, tighten the choke and voila, the lights came on. Before I could complete this blog, electricity again went off in some rooms and we had to change the phase. In ever trained for any of this but just learnt it by watching you… We are fine, Nanagaru. Just feel sad for the Yeti since it was such a wonderful car and it got submerged in the floods and just died out. Yes, we will get another one and life will go on, but some memories don’t go. For the Yeti, it was the ride through Jalori pass to Kalpa … Dirt road and it behaved admirably.
The floods brought back some of the old memories … Of losing all in 1996, and the many discussions you and Krishnan’s Appa had with the banks… And then the four months in the hospital just before this day. You would pull your hand back when they would try to take a blood sample everyday. Then the image of you waving to us at the Kacheguda station after we dropped you there on our way back to Bangalore… Many days at the hospital, you looked like you were just sleeping and would wake up and just get going. Well, you just left.
Appa, this year is ending on a sad note … Taaha left too soon, Sumbe too left too soon, the Paris shootings happened.. Now the Chennai floods. This too shall pass and the next year would be better, but this time around, some of the deaths have been too close for comfort. The resolve to live fully just gets stronger every time someone leaves too soon, but it takes a while to let go of the person.
Sometimes, it feels like you are in the room and life is normal again, and probably you are, but at times, we miss your wry humour while fighting with Amma.
Just mulling over these quotes of Osho and thinking of you. ….
Lots of love,