Yesterday I made the mistake of using up all the curds that Amma had made for Lassi in the afternoon, but I was planning on buying more curd today and stock up. You remember the Vyapar Kendra Mother Dairy milk booth ? It’s atleast 1.5 kms away. Amma told me she was going out with Molina to buy milk from there again to make more curds. As it became 10 am and the heat is unbearable I told Amma not to get the milk but just buy curd from the Safal store downstairs.
Amma and Molina have just come back after going out in this heat to buy “that” milk ….. And yes am hugely upset. Appa, I won’t eat the curds that Amma makes with this milk, because there was absolutely no need to go in this heat and get “that” milk !!! Am constantly trying to ensure that Amma does not overly strain herself and you know how difficult it is for her to deal with even a cold, but am thwarted at every stage. The saddest part is Krishnan and I are left feeling guilty because these things are done out of her love.
Appa, why weren’t you able to show Amma the way of being loving ? It’s not in putting herself through pain that she needs to show love, she doesn’t have to save and scrimp to show love… It was needed ages back and we don’t need it now, especially when the saving means hurting herself… The best way Amma and any parent can show love as they get older is to stay happy, live their life the way they want and not hurt themselves !! No, I won’t scream and yell, I did it for the last time on Mother’s Day, but I still won’t eat the curd made from this milk. I will try and explain to Amma why, but I know she will try and make me feel guilty without intending to.
Appa, the best statement in the movie “Piku” is when Irfan Khan turns on Amitabh (father of the heroine) and says, “why do you parents always do emotional blackmail, obviously your daughter loves you, why else would she do this trip to Kolkatta?”…. I have the same question for Amma, not for you.
You know I love you and Amma, I am not going to prove anything in words and I also know I will get a lot of flak for this post, but I am hoping for some support from children whose parents have become children and are now refusing to grow up !! …. I still won’t eat the curd. Hoping that Amma sees reason and doesn’t try to prove her love for me anymore.
Lots of love and miss you so much today especially ….. Please watch over Vedavalli, because I am unable to.
Categories: Daily Reflections