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Possessiveness



I know the many smiles that I am setting off, across the world with this topic and the fact that I am writing about it. Especially two people, one in London and one right here, Krishnan will be laughing not just smiling.

I am born in the month of April and being possessive is an Arian’s birthright …. But we can’t tolerate being possessed according to Linda Goodman, and for the past three decades, she has come to define how people perceive others basis their birth dates. I first got introduced to Linda and her famous Sun signs in Shillong when I was in my 8th standard and a Sagittarian introduced me to her book. It became a bible for me over the next ten years and then I bought her second book “Love signs” that speaks of how each sun sign will relate with each other !! For the past 15 years though I have not read anything from her book because I realised that while people born within a certain date range have somewhat similar behaviour and it is interesting discovering what is common – each person is unique !

As Osho says, “You are a potential, not a machine whose action can be predicted”. Linda Goodman died as a bag lady – she who predicted how lives will be, couldn’t predict her own. No, this is not a discussion on the Sun signs, but on possessiveness. The connection is – several generations have been influenced by how they are supposed to be if they are born between certain dates and am sure I was influenced too.

I still remember, I nearly lost Vidya (she is the one smiling) because she continued to talk to two other classmates of ours that I wasnt very close to in college. I was so possessive of her as a friend that I chose not to stay in touch with her !!! I turned Sherlock to find her again and did manage to get back in touch and then stay in touch but I dread to think what would have happened if I didn’t do that ? She is my soul sister and I would have lost a little part of me !

Then I met Krishnan and got all possessive of him, but thank God, Osho happened to us within a year of our marriage and my questioning mind found the right questions to ask !! One of my dearest friends Sirisha wrote in my scrap book “When you love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours, otherwise it wasn’t meant to be”. I never understood what that meant till I met Krishnan and realised that love is possible only when there are two free hearts. If you really love someone, you can’t be possessive… It kills the relationship since it reduces the other to a thing.

So many relationships struggle through the spectre of possessiveness and miss the chance of being happy. It corrodes the fabric of love and friendship and doesn’t let the other breathe.

I am unable to be possessive now and I have been thinking about what has changed. My possessiveness stemed from a deep sense of insecurity and poor self worth. As I realised that I am worthy and unique just like every other human being, the need to possess went away. Louise Hay in her amazing book “You can heal your life” says most of us suffer from this problem of feeling we are “not good enough” and there is a lack of self-love. This leads to several health issues and ofcourse some people end up being possessive !

There is no replica of yours anywhere – you are unique, just as every other human being is ! Possessiveness is a manifestation of poor self worth and a sense of insecurity – work on those and set yourself free 🙂

The universe pours love without boundaries, so why go with a little spoon that you possess ?

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Categories: Daily ReflectionsTags: , ,

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