Am so sorry for your loss ….
It took me almost a year to come close to normal after dad passed away. Our parents hold our history and they are our anchors. They also never go away really. They just are not in a form that we recognise but they are always around us.
When dad passed away, I could understand it intellectually, that this is part of life as much as life is… But now as I reflect back, it took almost a year of being very angry to accept the fact in my heart. So allow some time to go by, time just let’s you get accustomed to the fact, but you never stop missing your dad. I continue to have conversations with him as though he is alive and it feels normal.
Some of the incidents that happened when my father passed away were nothing short of miraculous – he had three different post office deposits and we only managed to find two of the passbooks. We searched everywhere for the third one and couldn’t find it. Then the day we were selling his car, Krishnan felt he must clean it before the buyer came by and started to pull out the floor mats to dust them and there below one of the mats, we find the passbook ! And we had used his car for all the four months that he was in the hospital, we had driven it to Bangalore from Hyderabad and the car cleaner had cleaned it everyday and we had searched his car as well for the passbook before !! It had survived the rains in Hyderabad and all the cleaning in Bangalore. I can just go on, but this is just for you to know, dads never really go away.
Send him off happily, he has trained you well for the world, he gave you the values you hold dear and the strength to stand by them. He will continue to hold your hand when you want to be the little girl, just needs you to put your hand out and he will be right there, as protective as he was when he was alive…
God bless his soul and know that he is proud of you for the fine human being that you are.
With love and a big hug,